It's true that the older you get, the more you become aware of the years you (might) have left and how to use them/spend them/enjoy them. It is really hard to break free of what you think is expected, and to find what you love to do. I love writing, have been published a lot, I still love writing, but I think the "career" mindset ruined a lot of the pleasure. I am trying to find my way back to that now, but as you say, it's not easy. I keep thinking - is this really "it" or am I still pleasing someone other than myself?